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Growing Young

by white oak

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1.
Every time I think of you I feel shot right through with a bolt of blue It's no problem of mine But it's a problem I find Living a life that I can't leave behind But there's no sense in telling me The wisdom of the fool won't set you free But that's the way that it goes And it's what nobody knows Well every day my confusion grows Every time I see you falling I get down on my knees and pray I'm waiting for that final moment You say the words that I can't say I feel fine and I feel good I'm feeling like I never should Whenever I get this way I just don't know what to say Why can't we be ourselves like we were yesterday I'm not sure what this could mean I don't think you're what you seem I do admit to myself That if I hurt someone else Then I'll never see just what we're meant to be
2.
The first time I saw you was in your apartment I had followed my friends single-file through the darkness I looked your direction for excessive inspection And I could not muster the courage to say a single word For a while we were playing this game that your friends bought But everyone cheated and no one could spell You didn't say much of anything I must have come off annoying, cause you went to bed I walk home with my eyes low Dreaming up conversations we'll have tomorrow Your loose ends, my new friends All the classes in high school we fell asleep in But now I can hardly close my eyes The next time I saw you was in your apartment Oh, why do I keep ending up here on starlit evenings? I should be home sleeping But this time you sat next to me on the couch (dude, nice!) I stare out the window Hands glued tight and sore Praying to God-knows-what That you would sever what's stuck With something shiny from the kitchen drawer I walk home with my eyes low Dreaming up conversations we'll have tomorrow Your loose ends, my new friends All the classes in high school we fell asleep in But now I can hardly close my eyes I was wondering if, maybe, you wanted to hang out tonight We could make dinner or something
3.
We can keep in touch if that's what you want You can call me, too, if that's what friends do It's not more than one, if that's what you thought You'd say I don't have the time for you But I do I could stay inside if that's what you want I won't say a word for a day or two When I'm in my room, I know what to do about you I can sleep soon When I get home I am kept from everyone in the house I'll walk down the hall where you have gone To feel the way it felt again, again, again, again I am what you need when you can't find it somewhere else I am what you want when you don't have anything else
4.
The mountains surrounding Mark the boundaries you're not meant to leave I'll stay "far away" But to keep my place I want to write our names on a culm bank's face Our hands only shake when we cross state lines I've made hundreds of mistakes And peace with dying in my sleep But that's what's right for me While the kids back home will leap To the riverbeds below Market Street The mountains surrounding Haunt the boundaries only mentally Never set free You know where I'll be There's a time a place When and where they'll bury me Our hands only shake when we cross state lines I've made hundreds of mistakes And peace with dying in my sleep But that's what's right for me While the kids back home will leap To the riverbeds below Market Street
5.
[Verse 1] I could hear you coming so I hide by the couch You were talking so loudly, I don't know what about You were drunker than high school, self conscious and sweet I never ever felt so cool disguised in your sheets [Chorus] But I'm a constant headache, a tooth out of line They try to make you regret it, you say no not this time Just a constant headache, a dead friend's advice You hang me up unfinished with the better part of me no longer mine [Verse 2] And then you finally found me pretending to sleep You said such nice things about me, I felt guilty and cheap You took two steps to the kitchen and just stared at the sink I couldn't hold back a smile, I wish that I could have seen you Having sex in the morning your love was foreign to me It made me think maybe human is not such a bad thing to be I just laid there in protest, entirely fucked It's such a stubborn reminder one perfect night's not enough
6.
Uh-oh, my story's not The oldest of its kind I was too touched to see you clearly Far too young to realize I, I had loved so dearly You, whose world I had designed But the sweet smoke came with mirrors And it brought tears to my wide eyes Dying just to see you Dying since I misconstrued Your blue heart, black eyes Fading, falling, words I won't forget I died right when I saw you While you shared that cigarette Uh-oh, I saw you every time I closed my eyes In the Hughes film I had scored Produced and starred in, in my mind I, I could recite you well I'd written every line But you strayed far from my flawless script On which I'd spent a lifetime Falling over dead Dying since I had misread Your blue heart, black eyes Fading, falling, words I won't forget I died right when I saw you While you shared that cigarette Falling over dead Dying since I had misread Your blue heart, black eyes Fading, falling, words I won't forget I died right when I saw you While you shared that cigarette

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released June 25, 2016

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white oak

mostly noise.
complete nonsense.
whiteoak818@gmail.com

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